


This is the right way to refute, stay calm

by Joyjsleep



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 3racha are kinda a thing, A little bit of angst but nothing too bad, Bottom Seo Changbin, Break Up, Communication, Explicit Sexual Content, Getting Back Together, Han is a good friend, Idiots, Light Swearing, M/M, Smut, They are literally SO in love, Top Bang Chan, also pretty cute, binnie is sad but he'll be fine, comforting Chan, i love them sm, idk how to tag, im sorry, smoking Changbin, they are in love okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:21:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 12,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24178075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joyjsleep/pseuds/Joyjsleep
Summary: Maybe Chan didn’t immediately fell in love with Changbin that day. He just found the boy incredibly pretty and somewhat cute.But the moment he saw him standing in front of the Mic looking down at his lyrics, his heart skipped a beat.It was when Changbin took a deep breath and started to spit his lyrics out. It was when it couldn’t be more obvious what the boy must feel like. It was his raspy voice that drew Chan completely in.He was amazed. Truly amazed.‘This is the right way to refute, stay calm.’Not completely beta read yet. But I'm working on it(Literally my first story ever, plis have mercy)
Relationships: Bang Chan/Seo Changbin
Comments: 15
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

'Even dark shadows only exist with light.'

\--------------------✰

Maybe he missed the way the younger used to come to his Studio when he was working too long on a Song again. Maybe he missed the little eye contacts they had whenever they were hanging out with their friends group. Or it was the way he always used to listen to Changbins stories when he had his downphase again because he seeked comfort in him.  
Chan had fallen for Changbin almost the moment he had been introduced to him. It was Jisung who bought him along one day… 3 years ago to be precise.  
“Meet Changbin. He’s in one of my music classes at Uni.”, he said that day, walking into Chan’s Studio. 

Chan worked as a producer in JYP. Minho had helped him getting the Job. Those two have been friends since forever basically. Jisung lived in Minho’s neighborhood and at one point Minho and him got closer for whatever reason. Chan suspected them to be a couple a few times now but he never actually asked them for any confirmation.  
Anyways, Chan’s CEO was a chill person which is why he was totally cool with Jisung helping Chan out with a few of his creations. Sooner or later he would probably start working there officially too.  
Minho and Jisung have since been the reason Chan had any friends or any social life at all.

“Yes. I’m Changbin.”, was all the dark clothed boy said. Chan only smiled and stood up from his chair to shake hands with the boy.  
“Chan.”, he added while doing so.  
“So… what are you working on?”, Jisung asked before it got too awkward . He sat down in one of these big chairs that were placed in the Studio and Changbin just followed his lead.  
“Still trying to finish the Demo… Broken Compass.”, the older simply replied before pressing the play button.  
The room got quiet. But not suffocating quiet. It was 6 ears of 3 music loving boys appreciating the sounds that filled the room. Even as the music stopped they all just sat there for a few more seconds before Jisung pulled at a paper out of his pocket and started to freestyle some lyrics. Grabbing whatever pencil he could first spot on Chans desk.  
Chan turned around in his chair to help Jisung out. That’s how they always did it. They didn’t really need to talk about the process anymore. Jisung already knew the theme. So he knew which directions his lyrics had to go.  
Changbin however didn’t. He also didn’t exactly know what to do. He just sat there watching the boys next to him discussing whatever. 

“Chan… that was amazing.”, was all he said or more whispered after the older turned to his computer again to open up some files with his own lyrics ideas. 

“You should write some lyrics too, Binnie. I can send you the audio as soon as Chan sends them to me.”, Jisung suddenly suggests. 

“I don’t know. I mean, I don’t even know the theme…”, Changbin only mumbled as an answer.

That’s probably the first time Chan thought the boy was cute. The moment Changbin walked in his studio he just thought he was really… pretty. 

“I mean… I named the song ‘Broken Compass’ because I thought about making it a song about exactly this. Imagine you have nothing. You’re alone with just that Broken Compass. Can you work with that?”, the Producer explained and looked up at him. Clearly expecting an answer and he could have sworn Changbin blushed a little when he noticed they had been staring at each other a second too long.  
All Chan got in the end was a nod before the boy turned around to grab his bag. Swinging it over his shoulder gracefully.

“Anyways, I need to go now. I still have classes today. It was nice meeting you Chan. Jisung, send me the audio and text me until when you want those lyrics.”, he rambled on.

“Tomorrow.”, Chan smirked.

“What?”, Jisung and Changbin asked in union. 

“Tomorrow should be fine tho?”

Now Changbin also smirked.

“Tomorrow is perfect.”, he answered and left the studio for good.

“Tomorrow?! Are you crazy? You always give me at least 3 days.”, Jisung whined. 

“Whatever. Do you have any songs from that friend of yours?”, he older just asked while pointing at the door and completely ignoring his friends whines.

“From Changbin? Chan you’ll be surprised. Just wait ‘till tomorrow.”

Maybe Chan didn’t immediately fell in love with Changbin that day. He just found the boy incredibly pretty and somewhat cute.  
But the moment he saw him standing in front of the Mic looking down at his lyrics, his heart skipped a beat.  
It was when Changbin took a deep breath and started to spit his lyrics out. It was when it couldn’t be more obvious what the boy must feel like. It was his raspy voice that drew Chan completely in.  
He was amazed. Truly amazed. 

‘This is the right way to refute, stay calm.’, and with that Changbin ended his verse. 

“And, what do you think?”, Jisung asked after a while of silence while the rather small boy took the headphones off to get out of the booth. 

“It was amazing.”

Now that Chan thought about it, the times he and Changbin spend in his Studio was probably what he missed the most. It’s way too quiet now.  
The times spend there were actually the times in which they stopped worrying or at least worried the least.  
They thought about almost nothing but music. Sometimes with but also without Jisung.  
Damn, he just missed Changbin so much.  
It has been around five month they broke up and one month since they last saw each other.  
Chan has been busy with work. Just as Minho. All their other friends were also greeted by exams. Overall they were all just busy with themselves.

Some might say it might be hard for past lovers to have mutual friends but Chan and Changbin have handled it well. Not exactly avoiding each other but also not provoking to actually interact with each other.  
At least it was like this until Changbin just stopped attending the hangouts or not coming as often anymore. 

Funny how timing decided to fuck Chans mind again. Just as he was sitting alone in his studio again, doing nothing but missing his ex-boyfriend, his phone lid up.

3 messages from the Groupchat ‘STRAYKIDS’

Sungie: We did it!!! We all… finished all…. OUR EXAMS!!! 

Felix: Fucking finally!

Hyunjin: I’m actually so fucking exhausted. I could sleep for a month. 

Chan just watched the chat slowly coming to life again. He was happy for the boys. He was actually also almost done with all the important work related stuff he had to do due to the end of the month. 

Minnie: Don’t. We should rather meet up again.

Felix: Agreed!!

I.N: Yes! Ngl I lowkey missed you guys.

Minho: Exams must have really gotten to your head. Interesting. 

Woojin: Anyways. I’m also in.

Hyunjin: Obviously I am too.

Minnie: You better.  
How about tomorrow? It’s friday. We can meet up at my place… around 6 ?

They all agreed. Expect from Chan, Changbin and Jisung who were probably just really busy with something.  
Chan didn’t even know when exactly but at some point Changbin must have become uncomfortable around him. Otherwise he wouldn’t have stopped avoiding their hangouts as much and overall barely talking to anyone beside Hyunjin, maybe.  


Sungie: Count me in as well. Chan, Changbin what about you guys?

Binnie: Sure.

Chan: Sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello :-)))
> 
> Tbh guys, I was too lazy to add times at the chat lmao


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He finally broke down. It has been five month and this is the first time Chan allowed himself to cry.

'But you need to know that being different is not being wrong'

\------------------------------------✰

“Those precious things, Precious moments, What would you do if you forget or lose those precious somethings.”

“On the experience of several situations, I lost my trust with a precious person, Giving painful words to each other, I’ll regret it soon obviously.”

“What if that precious person disappeared forever?”

“I’m just saying What if?”

Chan would lie if he wasn’t tearing up a little after hearing the song. 

Maybe it was the way Changbin used to giggle so much that he missed the most.

It was Jisung who showed him the song that day and he also snapped the older out of his thoughts. 

“He uploaded it on his private Soundcloud around a week ago. He has been off lately. He barely talks to any of us. Even his weird gym friends haven’t heard much from him… I-I actually was surprised that he agreed meeting up with us tonight. 

Chan I have no idea what really happened between you two but I think you should talk to him. Seungmin told him the same thing yesterday…”

“I miss him, Jisung…”, Chan suddenly choked out and instantly stopped the younger from continuing his ramble. 

“I-... I just really miss him.”, he added and broke down. He finally broke down. It has been five month and this is the first time Chan allowed himself to cry. He cried in Jisungs shoulder for almost an hour before looking up again while wiping his wet cheeks. 

“Channie, you should really talk to him.”, Jisung said once again before embracing his friend in a loving hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more Chapter 1.5 
> 
> oh well, double upload ig


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Funny how it was music yet again that caused them to get even the tiniest bit closer again.

'We're at a different place, but dreaming the same dream.'

\-------------------------- ✰

“It’s been a while, Chan!”, Felix stated excited as he opened the door. 

Logically he saw Jisung almost everyday eventhough they were majoring in different subjects. 

Chan just shot him a smile and gave his fellow australian a short hug before passing him to take off his shoes. 

“Where’s Seungmin?”, he asked while doing so. 

“Bathroom. All the others are already in the living room.”, Felix answered and soon after joined the others again. 

‘All the others’, Chan repeated in his head. So ‘He’ was already there too. Nervousness suddenly creeped over him but before he could do anything dumb about it Jisung stood before him in order to get into the room first. 

“The guy you’ve all been waiting for arrived.”, he screamed in the room and really got the cheers he was hoping for. 

Chan couldn’t help but to smile before he appeared behind him, also entering the room. Without looking anywhere in particularly.

“Channie! Come sit down with us.”, Hyunjin patted the space next to him, on the floor but on a pillow and who was Chan to decline that offer.

Woojin, Minho, Hyunjin, Felix, Jisung and Jeongin. They all were there. Only two persons were missing. 

“You can just put it on one of the tables.”, the approaching voice of Seungmin said causing Chan’s head to immediately shot up. 

And there he was. Holding two bowls filled with snacks. The boy just nodded and smiled slightly before getting closer to the tables they were all settled around. Placing the bowls in the middle of each table and sat down between Minho and Felix. Almost sitting directly across Chan. 

His hair has grown. Not too long tho. He also dyed it even darker then it was anyways. And he looked just as exhausted as the other boys. 

He also got more muscular. His shirt sat a bit tight and hugged his trained body. If Chan wasn’t mistaking he saw some eyeliner too. 

To summarize it; Chan thought Changbin looked absolutely breathtaking. 

“You’re staring, Channie.”, Hyunjin whispered next to him which startled the older a bit. Actually enough to make him jump up slightly. 

Changbin wasn’t making any move to talk… to even look at Chan. He was literally talking to everybody but Chan. Not that the older was really trying either. 

They all just were enjoying themselves. Catching up on their lives. Chan however was more listening then talking only doing so when he was directly asked something. 

“ So Chan? Have you worked on or finished any songs lately?”, Felix asked at one point and they all went quiet. Beside Changbin and Hyunjin who have been engaged in a heated conversation for like an hour now… as per usual.

“Actually; yes.”, and there it was. 

The first time their eyes met this evening, even if it was just for a split second.

Funny how it was music yet again that caused them to get even the tiniest bit closer again. 

Chan searched for his phone in order to show them the Demo. He pressed play and caused even Hyunjin and Changbin to shut up. 

“I’m doing well, I’m doing alright. Trust me, believe it or not. I’ll keep pushing forward. But I worry sometimes what if everything I’ve done so far isn’t real?”, Jisung cringed above hearing his own voice. He didn’t expect Chan to show them a not even half-finished Demo.

“Cuz’ later when I became addicted to life. Even though the medicine I take when I’m sick has no effect, It still comforts me in another way, and makes me want to fly. Going up, towards the sun. It’s all up in my mind. Please deceive me this time.”, even Chan himself cringed a bit. He hasn’t arranged anything about this song yet but he wanted them all to hear it. 

As soon as the music stopped he got a few compliments and a question coming from Seungmin. 

“I like it, but why is there this weird middle part without any lyrics?”

And with that question Seungmin caused the second eye contact Chan and Changbin shared this day. 

“Well, I’m still waiting for the lyrics, Minnie… It’s been a while since I have seen the person who is supposed to fill that part.”, he answered him calmly without breaking the eye contact. 

“How about you, Binnie?”, Felix asked. Leaving Jisung out because he has obviously been working with Chan. 

And there goes their eye contact again. 

“Ehm- not really. Been pretty unmotivated the last couple of...days.”, he answered shortly. Trying to avoid any followed up questions. 

“I’ll go for a smoke real quick”

Seungmin made sure Changbin was out of the front door before speaking up again. His apartment didn’t have a balcony and he followed a strict rule regarding smoking inside.

“He still hasn’t quit? He at least tried four times already.”

“Shut up. You also smoke.”, Jisung snapped and quickly got back to discussing whatever with Felix. 

“Whatever. I’m not a regular smoker.”

To be fair, Changbin also really wasn’t a regular smoker… It’s just that Chan was the only one to notice that. 

Whileas Seungmin only smoked before and after an important exam or when he had two drinks too much- Changbin only smoked when he felt the need to escape situations. 

He had that feeling a lot tho, which indeed might come off as if he was a regular. An addict anyways. 

Chan knew that his Ex would probably want to be alone for a few minutes. He knew and yet he couldn’t stop his legs from standing up and following the younger. He put on his shoes, took a deep breath and opened the front door slowly, a little afraid that Changbin might stand right in front of it. Turned out he didn’t. 

Instead he was sitting on that front step. Chan slowly sat down next to him trying to make no noises at all. He might even have forgotten to breathe for a moment. It’s funny how they used to be all over each other and now he was afraid to scare the younger off by breathing too loud. 

Chan didn’t look at him. He just stared at the street across them. Following a few people who passes by with his eyes until his sight was blended by a huge smoke cloud. He scrunched his nose a little because he hasn’t smelled that scent in a while, eventhough he used to be so familiar with it. He even knew how it tasted and weirdly enough even missed that too.

Kissing Changbin rather he smoked beforehand or not. Chan didn’t really care rather the kiss tasted like Strawberry or ash as long as he could taste Changbin. 

It took him while to collect his thoughts. Maybe he was a little stressed out by the fact that the boy beside him was almost done with his cigarette.

“How have you been?”, he then asked out blankly. Still not looking at the other. 

Changbin let out a sigh. 

“Depends. I’m better but kinda not fully there yet… H-How about you?”

“Fine actually. I mean- kind of.”

“I see.”, the younger only said before flicking his cigarette in Seungmins’ garden, well aware of the scolding he’ll receive for that later. Before Changbin could stand up tho Chan spoke up again. 

“It’s been really lonely tho.”, and that’s what caused their third eye contact. 

It was then that Chan remembered just how beautiful Changbin is during the uprising darkness. It was also the moment he got hit in the face again by the fact that he just couldn’t function without the younger by his side.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Have you ever thought about trying it?'' 
> 
> “No.''
> 
> “Maybe you should...''

'You're doing good. If it gets too hard, don't worry, I'll be running with you.'

\---------------------✰

“I’m sorry, Channie- I’m really sorry.”, a pause. 

“ I am trying and I know you’re too but I’m just so scared. I love you so much it hurts being too far from you. So damn much. But it hurts even more to not being able to make you feel that love. You deserve to be loved in all kind off ways. You should be with someone you can depend on. Someone who can make you show the whole world your beautiful smile. Someone who won’t let you feel lonely and as much as I wanna be that person- I just can’t… not yet and I-”, he choked on his own words. 

Trying his best to fight those tears back that were trying to escape from his eyes. 

“- and I don’t want you to wait for me. Move on Chan. Move away from me and-”, he puts his hand gently on Chans thigh, letting a few tears slide down his cheek. 

“- go on ahead. You don’t need to stand next to me the whole time anymore. You don’t need to wait for me to stand up anymore. Move on, please.”

The older really didn’t knew what to do beside hugging Changbin. What else was he supposed to do when his love was crying basically shaking in his arms. What else should he do when it suddenly hit him that this was serious. Changbin did wanted Chan to move on. He felt it. He felt that this time he basically broke up for good. He was ready to continue suffering alone rather then trying to let Chan help him. What else was he supposed to do but try to enjoy that hug when it felt like the last one they’ll ever share. What else should he do beside just accepting it. What else when he was so incredibly overwhelmed by this whole situation that he didn’t even noticed that the younger already left but not to go inside again … he left and it felt like he wouldn’t come back anytime soon. 

Chan could do nothing but to stand there. He didn’t even felt the need to cry. He wasn’t really sad either he was just went numb. His head was going completely empty. He thought about nothing but the fact that Changbin really meant it. He knew him too well to not know when the younger was lying.

“Channie, Changbin you’ve been out for a while..Is everything alri-”, Jisung suddenly appeared stopping mid-sentence when he realised that Changbin wasn’t there. 

“Where’s Changbin?”, he asked instead. Worry filling his voice.

Chan turned around. Eyeing his friend debating rather he should tell him or just don’t say anything at all. 

“He left.”, he simply mumbled. Looking up at the sky- a sad attempt to stop the tears. 

“He- left for good this time Jisung. He told- no, he begged me to move on.”

Jisung just watched. Carefully listening- he knew better then interrupt Chan in moments like this. He never showed any vulnerable side, never showed any weakness and yet he stood there. Fighting tears, barely able to form full sentences. 

After a while Jisung sat down on the step forcing Chan down with him. He took a deep breath before actually speaking up.

“Have you ever thought about trying it?”, he asked his older friend who immediately gave him a questioning look. 

“No.”

“Maybe you should. I mean think about it, he doesn’t want to hurt you but he know he will rather he wants to or not. Now don’t get me wrong I love the both of you which is exactly why I understand his point of view. He loves you, Channie. He truly does but sometimes love alone is not enough. Or it’s not the love either of you need right now… which is why it’s fine to move on. To find the love you need. It doesn’t even have to mean that you don’t love Changbin anymore… it just means that you’re in need of a different kind of love right now and he knew it before you did. Like he always knew everything about you before you did, after all… That’s just how he his.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At one point in time he also told Jisung that he’s over it. That he’s ready to move on and now it has been almost one year since they broke up, it should be fine now, shouldn’t it?

'Though I reach out my hand, there's nobody to hold it.'

\------------------------✰

Six month later. It’s been six month since the day he had that conversation with Changbin. He hasn’t saw him ever since. Not even Jisung saw him anymore or anyone else from their friends. They all just saw him every now and then at Uni when they had a class together but even then they didn’t really talk. The guys told Chan that they tried talking to him but he basically sprinted out of class as soon as the Professor ended the class. He wasn’t rude tho. Changbin still greeted them all, he just didn’t show up at their meetings anymore and at one point left the groupchat.

Chan would lie if he didn’t cared about it at all because he did but he knew how to handle it. He learned how to live without the younger and he was fine with it. 

At one point in time he also told Jisung that he’s over it. That he’s ready to move on and now it has been almost one year since they broke up, it should be fine now, shouldn’t it?

So why was Chan at his Studio opening the file of the few songs he had from Changbin yet again?

Why was his heart still beating a little bit faster as soon as he heard his voice?

Why was he hoping it would be Changbin walking through the door as soon as he heard a light knock?

“Babe?”, he heard a soft voice. Basically the exact opposite of what currently was blasting through his speakers. 

Seconds later he felt two arms creeping over his shoulders and down his chest from behind. Followed by a soft kiss on his head. 

“Am I interrupting you at work again?”, Soohyun asked him. 

Chan just smiled softly before pressing pause causing the room to lose any source of sounds. It’s funny how Changbins voice filled a room with such an intense energy that it seemed even quieter as soon as it was gone. 

“Of course you’re not.”, he answered while turning around to face his girlfriend. 

Soohyun was such a sweet girl. She also worked at JYP at the management department. She was kind hearted, beautiful, smart but she also knew what she wanted and knew even better how to bring it across. Chan has been together with her for almost 3 month now. 

She doesn’t know about Changbin, she only knew that Chan was Bisexual and has been in a relationship with a man before. Soohyun respected Chan not talking about it.

“Who was that? I only ever heard you and Jisung… but that didn’t sound like it was one of you?”, she asked out of curiosity. Eyeing Chans open file which he quickly closed.

“Nobody. Now let’s go on that date, shall we?”, he quickly suggested and pressed a Kiss on his girlfriend’s forehead. 

\---------------------------------------

“Jisuuuuuung, I’m not in the mood for Pizza.”

“I literally don’t care anymore. You’re never in the mood for any food which reminds me that you lost quiet some weight! Anyways, we haven’t talked in WEEKS…”, Jisung suddenly stopped and looked into the others eyes.

“I miss you, Binnie”, and with that the older instantly softened up. 

Escaping from Jisungs grib in order to walk next to him rather than being dragged by him.

“Fine, but I’m really not in the mood for Pizza. Let’s get some pasta instead.”

\----------------------------

“How about Pasta? I’m in the mood for pasta.”, Soohyun suggested. 

Chan only smiled at her while grabbing her hand. Giving her a short nod before heading to the closest pasta restaurant he knew in this area.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Changbin couldn’t be far. He wanted to escape so there is only one thing he could be doing right now and he never smoked while walking. He took his time. So he just couldn’t be far.

'In the middle of the lonely night, I try to smile brightly.'

\-------------------------------✰

It wasn’t until Chan heard that familiar laugh that he noticed Jisung and Changbin were there too. 

Soohyun and him had already ordered their food and started to talk about god and everything….but mostly about work. Soohyun was really interested in everything Chan did but it was hard to explain Music in that sense to someone who wasn’t a, to quote Jisung, ‘Music-Human’. 

As soon as he heard it tho he immediately scanned through the restaurant. Searching for anything and nothing at all. He spotted Jisung first. Softening up a bit until he saw Changbin sitting directly in front of him. 

They sat a few tables further away which is why it wasn’t a surprise he hadn’t noticed them when he walked in. 

“Babe? You’re hiding behind the menu… Is there something- OH! It’s Jisung. Lets get him over here.”, Soohyun followed Chan’s eyes until he spotted him. 

Almost instantly standing up to walk over to the boys, too fast to let Chan even comprehend everything or even stop her. 

“No- Soohyun- Fuck.”, he mumbled as he realised that Soohyun was already standing at their desk. 

He first looked at Jisung who gave him a big smile and then over to Changbin who didn’t looked at him. His eyes were locked on his Girlfriend. It was hard figuring out any emotions. 

Confused would be Chan’s best guess tho. 

“Do you guys want to sit with us?”, before any of the guys could do anything at all, Soohyun already grabbed Jisungs wrist dragging him over to their table while Jisung did the same to Changbin… more out of reflex because he was well aware of the fact that this would most likely be really awkward.

This couldn’t be more chlichee now, could it?

It was so suffocating awkward Chan mentally cursed himself for not stopping Soohyun just how Changbin cursed himself for not accepting Jisungs Pizza desire.

“Oh, I forgot to ask your name- I’m Sooyhun.”, the girl spoke up to Changbin whose head shot up. 

He didn’t answer immediately not that he was given the chance anyways.

“Changbin… It’s Changbin.”, Chan instead answered which caused his girlfriend to raise an eyebrow at him. 

“How do you know him?”

Fuck, is all Chan could currently form in his head. Now that all eyes were on him.

“H-He’s a- no, he’s my- no, wait-”

“Ex- Boyfriend. I’m his Ex-Boyfriend.”, Changbin blurted out. 

The table was silent. Whileas Jisung was staring back and forth between Changbin and Sooyhun, Chan was staring at Changbin after almost choking on his drink. Soohyun watched Chan, probably expecting some explanation and Changbin just sat there. Sipping on his drink pretending like this whole situation wasn’t awkward at all. 

“Well, this is awkward.”, Jisung blurted out at on point not really knowing what else to say but also not accepting just sitting there in silence. 

“Oh well, I-”, Soohyun started but was cut off by Changbin. 

“I should leave now. If you’ll excuse me.”

There wasn’t enough time for any of them to react beside the fact that nobody really knew how to react. It was only normal for him to leave such a situation.

Chan however knew that he wanted to storm after the other. To explain why he hasn’t told Soohyun about him. He felt that the younger was rather hurt by the fact that Chan didn’t knew how to introduce him. But he also knew that he had some things to explain to Soohyun and it would be unfair to just leave her here. 

“Channie, I’ll go after him. Don’t worry.”, Jisung threw him off his train of thoughts, already grabbing his jacket, ready to leave the restaurant but was stopped by Chan being faster than him. 

“Don’t. I’ll go after him.- Soohyun I’m sorry, I’ll explain it all to you tonight- just, please wait okay? I’m so sorry.”, he said and stormed off. Leaving all his stuff there beside his jacket. 

Changbin couldn’t be far. He wanted to escape so there is only one thing he could be doing right now and he never smoked while walking. He took his time. So he just couldn’t be far. 

“Well- I’ll take Chan’s stuff and walk you home alright, Sooyhun?”

Soohyun just stared at the boy she was left alone with. Not completely understanding what’s going on just yet. So she just nodded and followed the younger boy.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He smiled to himself. Damn, it’s been a year and I still would do anything for him within a second.

'For once I wish I could see myself.'

\------------------------------✰

Chan searched the streets for Changbin. He couldn’t be far. He just can’t be far. 

He didn’t exactly knew why but it felt like he had to talk to him now. 6 month and he apparently was still not over him. 6 month of not talking to him but as soon as he heard his voice he was falling again. Almost a year since they broke up and all it took was for the younger to show up again to make Chan abandon his current girlfriend to run after him to explain him eventhough he didn’t had to do it. 

It was Changbins existence. As long as he was there Chan just couldn’t let him go. 

It took Chan a while but he finally found the other in a small sidewalk indeed sucking on a cigarette. His heart made a jump, he got nervous and started sweating. Not sure how to approach the other.

He took a deep breath and stepped towards him until their eyes met.

“Changbin, I-”

“You don’t need to explain yourself, Chan.”, the younger interrupted. It was kinda like the last time they had a conversation. Changbin was already preparing to leave again, not giving Chan even the slightest chance to say something himself. 

“You’re right. I don’t have to but I want to and I want you to listen.”, he was almost demanding. Getting even closer to the other. Not caring about the fact that this might be a bit too close. 

Changbin only nodded and leaned against the wall to create a bit of distance between them again. 

“She knows that I’m Bi. She knows that I have had an Ex-Boyfriend. She just didn’t knew it was you. I told Jisung to not show her anything from you whenever your name was in a Conversation… just how I told the others as well. At one point she asked me about our relationship and I just- I couldn’t talk about you because whenever I even think about you I-”, he stopped to take another deep breath. 

“Even when I think about you I get reminded of the fact that you still exist. That you’re still out there and how bad I wanna be with you. How I’m not over you in the slightest. And if I can’t even think about you without being reminded about how much I- I miss you how am I supposed to talk about you.”, he finished not even daring to look at the boy in front of him. 

“But what about Soohyun?”, Changbin was far to surprised by the sudden outburst to react any other way. He didn’t knew what to say at all. 

“She is a kind girl which is way I feel really bad but I guess- I kinda used her to try to get over you… Obviously didn’t work but you-”, he was cut off again but this time not with words but with soft lips being pressed against his own. 

It’s been so long but Chan just couldn’t help but to instantly fall into the kiss. He longed for this. Missed every bit of feeling the youngers lips eventhough they tasted like ash again. But Chan loved it. Every bit of it. He missed how Changbin would place his arms around his neck to play with hair at the back of his head. He missed how his own hands felt against the younger waist. He missed how Changbin smiled in their kiss because Chan pressed his hands a bit too hard in his sides which tickled him. He missed how he used that smile to slide his tongue inside and show him just how much he loved him. 

But Changbin pulled back as soon as he felt Chan’s hands at his sides. 

“I’m sorry- I just- I should really leave. We can talk about this later okay. I-I really need to collect my thoughts right now, I’m sorry.”

Before Chan could do anything Changbin already left but he was fine with it. He said they’ll talk later and so he’ll wait. He waited this long so what would be another few days. 

He smiled to himself. Damn, it’s been a year and I still would do anything for him within a second.

“I should talk to Soohyun.”, he mumbled to himself before heading to her house.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chan was quick to turn down the music. Obviously also ready to know the reason why the boy was there. It has been months since Changbin stepped into the Studio. Months of unfinished songs because Chan as well as Jisung refused to publish a Song without Changbin.

'You're doing well.'

\-----------------------------------✰

“Channie, I’m not really mad, I mean I can’t do anything if you really love him but I truly wish you would have been honest with me. I deserve it.”

“You do… I’m sorry, Soohyun. I really am.”

She forced a smile on her face while her eyes were filled with tears. Chan felt guilt shot through his body. Damn that. Hurting someone like this really sucks. 

“I shouldn’t have been so selfish. I really am sorry.”

“It’s fine. I just- I just need some time.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------

“No, I don’t understand. What’s so tiring that you’re just sitting there? Don’t even say you want to do it. You’re all talk, fool. Holding it off until later and ending up cramming. Like mate, stop procrastinating.”

“Who knows? I might fall because of my laces. I wanna walk freely. Only pulling one all-nightery and I’m still detailed. I don’t make my difficulty obvious.” 

Jisung bobbed his head along to the beat seemly satisfied with his verse. It was been so loud in Chans Studio that neither of them noticed a third person joining them. Chan almost peed himself when he heard Jisung scream after spotting Changbin in the corner. 

“Fuck, how long have you been standing there?”, the youngest asked after calming down. 

Chan was quick to turn down the music. Obviously also ready to know the reason why the boy was there. It has been months since Changbin stepped into the Studio. Months of unfinished songs because Chan as well as Jisung refused to publish a Song without Changbin. 

“Well- you guys still remember that one demo? Probably not, it was like 6 month ago… You guys named it Placebo… I mean it’s fine if you already deleted it-”

“We didn’t. But what’s about it?”, Chan asked. He really hoped he would get a certain answer while he was already opening his files to search for that old piece. 

“Uhm- back then Sungie send me the audio and I wrote some lyrics… Would you guys want to hear it?”, Changbin asked rather nervous. Feeling a bit dumb to just get in there and expect those guys to just forget that he had kinda abandon them. 

Jisung couldn’t even try to hide his excitement however, instantly nodding as soon as the older was done talking. 

“S-Sure. You want me to record it right now?”, Chan asked. Cursing himself for stuttering.

“You don’t want to hear it beforehand?”

“We never did it. We trust you. So a pre listening is a waste of time, isn’t it?”

Changbin just smiled and got in front of the mic. Placing the headphone over his Cap. 

“Damn. I missed this place.”, he whispered but Chan was still able to catch it. 

As soon as Changbin started to do his vocal warmings Chan started to prepare his program and all the stuff he needed. Pulling out the lyrics him and Jisung had written back in the days. 

“Okay… I’ll start the beat on the count of three-”

Changbin just put his thumb up. Like he always did causing the both to smile. 

“1-2-3.”

“It will come to me too, soo other things will surprisingly come in front of my eyes. I feel uneasy and frustrated. I have a lot of thoughts. It spreads through all my cells like poison, when I become sensitive to exasperation. Even without an antidote, ‘Let’s live with positive thoughts’ is my motto. Even if it takes control of my always expanding big day, I like it. Right, there’s nothing vague about dreams, depending on your mind. Trying to start up Las Vogue. Going up, step by step, trust in my unedge dream. The little amounts of my flops that other envy. It was possible because of their faith and expectations. At first I didn’t know. That if I’m passionate and hardworking, anything is possible. It was only a few month ago that I took this Medication. Spend my time just how it flew by. My steps towards my dream became faster after taking that medicine..”

“Ahhh- I missed this.”, Jisung said as soon as Changbin got out of the booth. 

“What exactly?”

“All three of us being here and finally having a finished song again.”

“You guys didn’t continue without me?”, Changbin then asked. Immediately feeling guilty again. 

“We did. We just left some spaces for you. So you have a lot of lyrics to write.”, Chan answered him with a smile. 

Rather Jisung nor Chan asked Changbin why he was there. Neither of them wanted to pressure him. They just sat in the studio for hours, listening to all the songs Chan and Jisung had recorded and talking about nothing but music. Even thinking about finally publishing a Mixtape or something of that kind. They laughed and catched up on each others lifes. It was just like old times and no one dared to interrupt this. Eventhough Chan did want to talk to Changbin just like how Jisung wanted to ask the boy how he has been but they both choose to save that for a different day. 

It wasn’t until midnight that any of them made any move to leave. 

“I should leave now. I’m way too tired and I have morning classes tomorrow.”, Jisung said, collected his stuff and left the others behind.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m sorry I ran away that day and I’m sorry I kissed you while I knew you are in a relationship-”
> 
> “Was. Was in a relationship.”, Chan corrected him and also turned. Good thing they left so much space between them.
> 
> “You guys broke up?”

'We all broke our rules for someone.'

\----------------------------------------✰

They both knew this was the perfect moment to talk. They were alone and in a comfortable environment. There wasn’t actually anything that should hold them back. They both didn’t have any place to be. Nothing was holding them back but themselves. It’s funny how even this situation didn’t make the atmosphere awkward. After all it was just Changbin, Chan thought at one point, ready to speak up but of course the younger beat him on that again. 

“I know we should talk but I’d prefer doing it somewhere else.”, he said. 

Chans studio indeed wasn’t the best place to start a private conversation given the fact that a co-worker could walk in any moment and Chan wasn’t ready to postpone this conversation. He wanted it today, as soon as possible, now. He just really wanted to talk to the younger. 

He scratched his head before answering. 

“We could go to my place? It’s the closest.”, it was only when he already spoken the words that he realized that his place may not be the best suggestions. His intentions could be misunderstood. 

Tho he really just was thinking about the closest place they could go. He knew Changbin wasn’t the Coffeeshop type so it made no sense to go there. Just as Changbin knew that Chan preferred ordering food rather then going to a restaurant. 

“I’m sorry- we can also-”, Chan started but got interrupted by Changbin. 

“Your place is fine, Channie.”, he smiled and began to collect his stuff. 

The walk to Chan’s place was silent. It wasn’t as awkward as he feared but there still was a certain tension which bugged him. He figured they’ll get rid of that once they talked about everything. 

Changbin was pulling out a cigarette at one point which really wasn’t a good sign. Before the older could panic however he got a assuring smile from the other.

“Calm down. I’m just really in the mood for a cigarette right now.”

“Don’t know how this should calm me. Isn’t that rather a bad sign?”, Chan asked with a smile on his face. 

They already arrived at his place but the older only played with his key because he wanted Changbin to finish smoking eventho he would rather punch that thing out of his hand. 

“I guess.”, he mumbled before flicking those deathly 2 inches away. 

“Let’s go in.”, he added and pushed path Chan as soon as he opened the door. 

It’s no surprise that Changbin immediately made himself feel home. Getting comfortable on the Sofa in Chan’s living room with a glass of Cola in his hand. Nothing has really changed from when they broke up. A few new pictures were hanged on his hallway wall but the pictures of them were also still really present. 

Changbin couldn’t help but stand up to get a close look of the pictures. A bunch of polaroids neatly placed next to one another. If you look closely enough a story can be seen. 

The first picture was one of Chan’s family followed by a series of pictures from when Chan was in australia. His parents must have given them to him because they were rather old. 

After that photos of Korea appeared. A picture of Chan in his studio. A few pictures of Minho are there too. Followed by a pic of Chan’s current home. ‘My first own flat’.

And then pictures of Jisung kept showing up. Sometimes with Minho. Sometimes it was just him and Chan in the studio, which Minho probably took. There were even pictures of papers with some scrambles on them or some with just a pencil on. 

Changbin then traced his fingers over a certain polaroid. 

He smiled to himself. It was a beautiful picture. 

It was the day Chan confessed to him. Like the idiot he is, sometimes, he did that infront of all their friends. Not caring about anything at all. 18.01.2016. The date they officially became a couple.

After that a row of pictures with Changbin on them followed. In the Studio. At their places. At the subway station. In the car. At the restaurant. God, there were even photos of Changbin half naked in the olders bed. 

“You really didn’t have to hang up those for everyone to see.”, he mumbled and turned around to look the older in the eyes. 

Chan, of course, just stood behind him the whole time he was staring at the pictures to stare at him. Adoring every single movement the younger made. 

“Hardly anyone comes here.”, he just answered smirking and sat down on the Sofa, almost immediately joined by Changbin.

They both placed their glasses down and just stared at the black TV screen in front of them. Keeping a certain distance between them. 

“So, I guess we should talk.”, Chan spoke up after what felt like an hour. 

“Yeah, listen-”, the younger started and shifted around in order to look at the other. 

“I’m sorry I ran away that day and I’m sorry I kissed you while I knew you are in a relationship-”

“Was. Was in a relationship.”, Chan corrected him and also turned. Good thing they left so much space between them.

“You guys broke up?”

Chan only nodded. He didn’t really regret it but he still cringed at himself for being such a selfish douchebag. 

“How?”, Changbin asked in a serious tone. 

“She figured I wasn’t really over you after I ran after you instead of staying with her and my apologize afterwards sucked ass.”, he silently laughed to himself. 

There was a short pause before the younger took a deep breath and spoke up again. 

“Do you regret it?”

“No.”

They both looked each other in the eyes. Slowly erasing the distance between them.

“That’s the thing, Binnie. I don’t regret anything when it comes to you. I hurt a wonderful girl because I tried to move on eventhough I kinda knew that it wouldn’t work.”, Chan explained. 

“I regret it. Not us but how it ended and all that.”

“And I’m still sorry that it had to be you who had to deal with me. All because I wasn’t able to-”, he got cut off by Chan grabbing his hand. 

“Binnie, I told you. I don’t regret anything about you.”

“I went to therapy shortly after we broke up. Have been going regularly ever since. It helps. I should have listened to you sooner. At the end you’re always right. I’m sorry for not listening to you sooner.”, Changbin told him through tears. He didn’t even notice he was crying until Chan brought his hand up to his face to dry the tears with his sleeve. 

“I’m proud of you. I really am.”

“Can I ask you another question?”

Changbin reached out. Placing himself directly next to Chan while also placing his hands on the older shoulders. Playing with the neckline of his hoodie. 

“Anything.”

Chan’s heart was beating so fast ,by now he was pretty sure the younger heard it giving the fact how close he was. 

Changbin then looked up. Eyes deeply looking into Chan’s.

“Do you still love me?”, he asked. Face flushed in a deep red. 

Chan automatically placed his hands on the youngers cheeks. Looking back and forth between his eyes and lips. Both of their eyes were filled with water at this point giving the deep love they felt for each other and finally being able to just be together again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There will be smut from now on 
> 
> Looking down at the younger before doing so noticing yet again how gorgeous he is, especially with his lips all puffy from being bitten so much and the marks around his neck slowly establishing into a purple color.

'Even though we can't see the end, we must go to the end.'

\---------------------------------✰

“I have never stopped loving you.”, he answered and wiped a tear off Changbin’s face yet again. Causing him to smile up at him. 

“Can you show me, Channie?”, he mumbled while climbing up on the others lap. A certain familiar feeling creeping up. 

Changbin placed his arms around the olders neck while his hands place themselves on the youngers waist. 

“Show me how much you love me. Please.”, he whispered against Chan’s lips and felt how the hands around his waist tightened their grip. 

Taking that as a sign to close the distance between their lips and finally connect them. Sighs of relief immediately filled the room. 

Chan couldn’t help but pull the boy on top of him even closer not that this was even really possible. 

Their tongues were quick to also tangle around fighting for some kind of dominance which Changbin gladly gave to Chan. How it almost always has been. 

They both pulled away after a while to catch their breath. Taking the opportunity to look at each other again. Chan placed his hand on the boys cheek who immediately leaned into the touch, closing his eyes and shortly after kiss the older’s palm. 

“I missed you so much.”, he then whispered and looked up again. Playing with Chan’s hair and brushing some strands out of his face. 

The older just smiled and connected his lips to Changbin’s neck who bended his head a bit in order to give the older more space. 

While Chan marked the younger his hand placed themselves under the shirt which caused Changbin to leave out a small moan. 

He began to grind his hips a bit after feeling Chan’s hands on his stomach. The older let out a groan before looking up again. 

“Let’s move this to the bedroom.”, he whispered before connecting their lips again and picking the other up as if he weight nothing. 

Chan knew better then to let his dominance overwhelm him. He knew he had to take things slow right now but he couldn’t help to throw Changbin on his bed watching him crawl into a comfortable position. Changbin looked so beautiful again. The room was kinda dark the only light source was giving by the street lights from outside. Chan just knew that the other preferred it when it was darker and who was he to not let the younger have anything he wants. 

Changbin looked up again. Seeing Chan just standing in front of the bed was always something he really liked. The older was just so perfect. There was not a single flaw on him and the way he looked at Changbin, as if he was something to eat, made him even more attractive. 

“Come here.”, Changbin whispered while slightly opening his legs.

Chan just smiled and slowly hovered over the younger. There wasn’t much exchange of words. It was more like they were talking with their eyes or maybe it was just the fact that they still felt so familiar around each other that they didn’t need much words. It was as if their bodies still knew each other to detail.

Tho Chan still knew that the younger loved being talked to nevertheless. 

“How do you want it, Babe?”, Chan asked. Brave enough to use petnames because he knows that this is also something Changbin is very much into. 

In the past they used way more dirtier names but again, Chan didn’t want to overdo this. He wanted to love the younger just like he wanted to be purely loved today. They can save the dirty stuff for another day. 

“Let’s just try to take it slow today, fine?”, Changbin answered while a blush rosed up his cheeks. 

“Perfectly fine.”

It wasn’t long until their hands started to room around each other bodies while kissing almost the whole time. If it wasn’t Changbins mouth Chan was kissing then it was his neck. 

Chan enjoyed it but he couldn’t bring himself to go lower than the younger collarbones. He didn’t exactly know how slow Changbin wanted it. He didn’t even knew if he wanted to go the whole way or just keep it a making out session. He would be fine either way but Chan still began to get overwhelmed and it almost showed until Changbin sneakily shoved his hands under his shirt and slowly pushed them up to his chest. The older couldn’t help but close his eyes at the cold contact against his skin.

“Take it off, Channie.”, Changbin mumbled. Concentrating on not sounding too whiny which was of no real use because Chan could look right through it. 

He also did what he was told given the fact that he was never good at denying anything Changbin wanted. Even when Chan was usually the dominant one in the bedroom it was still Changbin who had a bit more of control… not that the older was complaining. He loved pleasuring the other. He had always put his pleasure over himself. He even focused on letting the other cum first provided the situation was the right one. 

Or he just loved seeing Changbin orgasm. Single handed the most beautiful sight his eyes have ever witness.

Changbin let out a small moan as soon as he saw the olders shirtless figure above him. Hands immediately stoking up Chan’s sides which made him let out a long sigh and bending down to engage the other in a deep kiss yet again. 

Looking down at the younger before doing so noticing yet again how gorgeous he is, especially with his lips all puffy from being bitten so much and the marks around his neck slowly establishing into a purple color. 

“God, you’re so beautiful.”, he whispered against Changbins lips causing him smile. 

It seems like that was the clue for the younger to speed things up a little. Getting impatient with Chan just kissing him so he began playing with the hem of his pants and sliding them inside, abruptly messaging Chan’s half hard member through his boxershorts. Not brave enough to place his hand on it directly yet because he didn’t exactly knew if Chan wanted to go this far. 

They just agreed on the term ‘slow’ and neither of them exactly knew what that meant. 

Changbin’s movement on his bulge still caused him to let out a deep groan and at the same time boosting the youngers confidence to continue moving his hand. 

Chan just let it happen at one point he even started to move his hips against Changbins hand. 

“Mh, enough. Let’s get you out of those clothes.”, he moaned out seconds later. Forcing the youngers hand out of his pants. As much as he was enjoying it he would rather not cum in his pants right now. 

Without much complaining Changbin sat up and removed his shirt throwing it somewhere in the room. He looked at Chan who was just pointing his head towards his pants. 

So Changbin took them off too leaving him with only his boxers on. 

He was fast to lay on his back again giving Chan the opportunity to explore his body again. He noticed back in the restaurant that the other had lost some weight but that didn’t changed much. Changbin was still rather muscular, his upper body was well define just as his thigh still had that firm structure. Soft but at the same time well trained. 

After kissing and marking Changbin’s whole chest he decided he had enough. He just couldn’t hold the urge to touch that one part of him. Chan always has been a big fan of the youngers back sight. He loved seeing Changbin squeezing his face into the pillow because he was getting shy. Just as much as he loved seeing him rutting against the mattress when it became too much. 

“Turn around.”, Chan then said. It wasn’t demanding. It wasn’t an order but it was clear enough to make Changbin understand that he really wanted this and so he did how he was told. 

And god has Chan missed that sight. He pushed his arm under Changbins waist in order to slide a pillow under him causing his ass to ever so slightly push up against him. 

He then process to run his hands up and down Changbins thighs. Stopping just under the curve of his cute butt which at one point made the younger whine a little. 

He knew how to handle that tho. All he had to do was wiggle his ass a little and Chan’s hand automatically went on it to give it a rough squeeze. 

“Don’t do that, babe.”, Chan groaned and hovered above Changbin again. 

Giving his shoulder a gentle kiss and a even gentler bite. 

Changbin then turned his head in oder to look at the other. 

“And why shouldn’t I?’’, he asked and teasingly wiggled his ass again. This time directly into Chan’s crotch causing him to groan yet again. 

Would it be fuckboyish to say that he really missed his butt. 

“You know why.”, he answered and allowed the younger to tease him a bit more. 

“Not good enough.”, Changbin smirked and pushed extra hard against Chan. Not a single care in the world but this really triggered the older’s dominance. 

“It makes me wanna eat that little ass of yours out.”, he groaned right next to Changbins ear.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something they always did was kissing. No matter how hard they went back in the days, kissing was the thing neither of them wanted to miss. Even when it meant to break character for a moment.

'Even a fool knows.'

\----------------------------✰

This might be too much. Chan cringed at the thought of going too far. This whole thing was supposed to be romantic and all but in the end that’s not really how they did this stuff.

Tho it has been month they slept together it still felt so damn familiar. It was like they never broke up. Like the whole year they spent separated never really happened. It’s also funny to think that Chan never was mad at the younger because somewhere deep inside of him he knew Changbin would eventually come back. He just needed time to learn to love himself and damn who was Chan to not give him that time.

And now here they were. Pressed against each other how it should be to be honest.

Of course Changbin wasn’t one to deny such offer. It was then that he remembered how much Changbin loved this. He had no reason to worry. They both wanted this in the end, just how they always wanted each other. 

“Who am I to stop you?”, the younger whined and hid his face in the pillow. 

Trying to sound tough but giving it away by the shyness afterwards was actually one of Changbins strong points. 

“What about taking it slow?”, Chan asked but already kissed his way down Changbin’s back. Stopping at his lower back, waiting for an answer. 

“Fuck taking it slow.”

The older smirked and slowly pulled the other boxers down biting his bottom lip at the sight giving Changbin’s butt a rough squeeze yet again. 

He leaned down and gave each cheek a kiss before spreading them apart in order to take a look at the hole which was already clenching around nothing. 

God, how bad Chan wanted him. 

And he took what he wanted. Not even hesitating before laying his tongue flat between Changbins cheek and licking a long stripe there while his hands still squeezed the buttock under his palms. 

It didn’t take a long time until Chan heard small whimpers coming from the younger, one of his favorite sounds actually. 

Sometimes he wished he could record Changbin during sex just so he could use the sounds of the younger for one of their songs but at the same time he wanted to keep them all to themselves. It was strange. 

“Channie~, I wanna-ahh”, the younger moaned when he felt Chan’s tongue sliding deeper into him. 

There was drool dripping down the olders chin, one of the few things he wasn’t really into, but also nothing he completely opposed. 

He didn’t stop immediately when he heard Changbin talk but he did eventually after teasing him a bit more. He got up again in order to hear the younger better while his left hand creeped under Changbin, harshly grabbing his member and stroking it lazily making the younger whimper yet again. 

“Wanna make you feel good too”, the younger whined causing Chan to grin.

“But you are, Babe.”, another whine but this time it was more frustrated then pleasured. 

“Ugh- no~”.

And then Changbin suddenly moved which was a bit awkward until he made a smooth move to push Chan on his back and immediately straddling him. 

He smirked apon feeling the bulge under him and smirked even more when he heard the groan that escaped Chan’s throat as soon as Changbin got comfortable on his lap. 

“My turn.”, he whispered and leaned down to embrace the older in another heated kiss. 

Something they always did was kissing. No matter how hard they went back in the days, kissing was the thing neither of them wanted to miss. Even when it meant to break character for a moment. 

Changbin got up again and somehow managed to finally get rid of Chan pants, setting his member free which caused another satisfied groan from Chan. 

He was so aroused by just pleasuring the younger which boosted his confidence.

The younger shifted a bit so that their cocks laid on one another and then he started to softly grind his hips again. 

Chan just stared at him in pure bliss. This was actually one of his favorite positions because again he loved seeing Changbin. 

This also made him realise that it was actually happening. 

One year ago they broke up and instead of really talking about it they decided to let their instinct take over and yet it felt like the right thing to do. 

“Don’t zone out, Channie.”, he heard the boy on top of him whine which of course made him snap out of it within a second. 

Focusing his full attention back on Changbin. 

“I’m not.”, he assured and placed his hands on the youngers thighs. 

“Yes you are. But it’s fine. I know how to make you focus on me solely.”, he said seductively and slid his fingers inside his mouth while his other hand moved around Chan’s neck. 

Something Chan was very much into especially when he was bottoming but also very much appreciated in situations like this. 

What was hotter than watching Changbin on top of him, grinding his hips against him while he sucked his own fingers and at the same time apply just the right amount of pressure around his neck?

This whole torture continued for a few seconds until Changbin moved his fingers out of his mouth and instead put his arm behind him… It took Chan a minute to get was he was doing- he was about to finger himself- on top of him- he was getting ready for Chan right on top of him. 

“Ah, fuck.”, the older cursed, still being slightly choked by the other but still managed to place his hands on Changbins ass to spread them apart. A rather small attempt to help the younger a bit. 

Using spit instead of lube dragged it a bit because it automatically took longer to get ready but it also made things more intimate, for some weird reason. 

As soon as Changbin added a second finger in him his hand abandon the olders neck and instead placed itself on his chest, trying to balance himself. The desperate need to find his special spot got too much, made him sloppy and Chan was quick to notice this. 

“Want me to help you out there, Babe?”, he smiled when he saw Changbin nodding desperately. 

He was so dirty yet so cute. A rather dangerous combination if you asked Chan. 

An idea popped up his head. Rather than changing their position and get the lube he had in his drawer he decided to just copy Changbins earlier action but not with his own spit. Again, he wasn’t a big fan of his own spit.

So he instead placed his index finger against the lips of the boy on top of him and pressed them lightly, a message Changbin immediately got and willingly opened his mouth to suck on it. 

“God, you really are something else, Binnie.”, Chan groaned out as he watched the younger suck the life out of his finger. Only imagine how that would feel around his dick but that was a thing for another day.

Changbin only smiled innocently and continued his blissful torture until Chan pulled his finger out, earning a small whine, and instead also pushed it inside him. 

“Ugh-fuck,”, the younger moaned and grinded his hips even harder. 

Their fingers started to move in sync although Chan’s finger was a slight bit longer than Changbins which is why he found the youngers sweet spot and forced a long moan out of his throat. Another sight Chan adored. 

He purposefully brushed the spot a few more times watching the boy on top of him arching his back and throwing his head back while letting out the sweetest sounds.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That’s how he continued- moving in a ever so slight pace, taking his sweet time with the younger. Taking every moan and every whimper in because who knows when he could hear them again. Maybe never, maybe this whole thing was just an impulsive decision.

'Soon the time will come that people will envy us.'

\--------------------------------------✰

Changbin was truly breathtaking, especially in this state. A state which Chan alone caused, something that no one else- no, they didn’t talked about that. There was a chance that someone else had seen Changbin like this. They were separated for one year after all and Chan himself had a relationship during that time. Maybe the younger also had on? Or he didn’t but that didn’t mean he hadn’t had sex… Why was Chan thinking about this now of all times, he literally had no reason to get jealous and yet he couldn’t help but to imagine someone else touching Changbin the way he did right in this moment. He knew it was unfair but he still couldn’t stop himself from groaning and hastely change their position so he was hovering above the younger again who whined at the lost of something inside him.

He looked up at Chan, not missing the change in his expression, and placed his hands around his neck circling on his shoulder blades.

“Babe, please.”, Chan just groaned while fishing out a condom from his drawer, well aware of how desperate he sounded but also too fed up to actually care.

Changbin just smiled again and took the condom out of Chan’s hands in order to put it on the older himself, giving his member a few lazy strokes before pulling him into a sloppy kiss again. 

“Go ahead, Channie.”, he whispered against his lips and immediately feeling Chan shifting a bit to slowly push his hard one inside the younger, not before putting a good amount of lube on it which he got while getting the condom. He was fed up but not enough to forget how to hurt Changbin as less as possible. 

The room was filled with moans and heavy breathing yet again as soon as Chan was fully inside of the younger, not moving yet because he knew Changbin always needed some time to adjust. And while he was waiting for the younger to get used to the feeling again he just watched him- watched how his whole body tensed up and how his nails dicked into his shoulder- watched how he slowly relaxed again and how his lips slightly parted- watched how his eyes would flatter open again just to be met by his own. 

“You can move.”, he said after a while and let out a sinful moan as soon as he felt Chan slowly pulling out just to equally slow push inside him again 

That’s how he continued- moving in a ever so slight pace, taking his sweet time with the younger. Taking every moan and every whimper in because who knows when he could hear them again. Maybe never, maybe this whole thing was just an impulsive decision. 

“You are zooning out again.”, he heard Changbin whisper against his ear as he placed his head in the crock of the youngers neck somewhere along the way. 

“Am not.”, he answered and placed light kisses along Changbin’s jawline, humming when he felt a hand in his hair. 

“Yes you are- Hey, we can talk about everything you want later okay? I know you have questions and I promise I will answer all of them but for now- just pay attention to me- to this- to us okay?”

“Okay.”, the older breathed out and bit into Changbin's shoulder before pulling him up to change their position. 

The younger let out a small whine because Chan accidentally slipped out during the process. 

"Sorry, sweetheart", he whispered and laid down on his back. 

Now, watching Changbin on top of him has always been a sight unable to describe with words for Chan. It was the perfect position to just watch the younger fall apart while his hands placed themselves on his thighs, feeling them flex under his fingertips while Changbin grinds on the older.  
He placed his own hands on the olders chest to keep his balance while biting his lips so hard they might start to bleed. 

Changbin could swore that he felt everything twice as hard when he was with Chan, regardless of which emotion, be it anger, love or like right now pleasure. He also wanted Chan to know that, which is why he never hold back, not a single moan or scratch he was leaving on the boys chest. Everything was just so real for Changbin that he couldn't hold back even if he wanted to. 

"Channie~ Pleasee", he whined out and soon stopped his movements due to the strenght slowly leaving his body and of course Chan immediately caught on and switched their position yet again, smoothly turning them around and also slipping out of the younger yet again. 

He knew that Changbin needed some time to come, at first it was a bit embarassing for Chan because he was always the first one who was about to finish, but over time he knew what to do, which is why he laid the younger onto his stomach and instead of his dick put his fingers into Changbin again, knowing exactly where to aim to tease the bundle of nerves that made the boy under him shiver and moan out his name. 

"Help me out here a bit, babe.", the older said and watched Changbin to get on his knees, placing his head onto his arms and wiggeling his ass again a bit. 

Chan just rolled his eyes at the younger but still smiled while his free hand went around the younger to stroke his member, slowly but with a firm grip.  
His lips roamed over Changbins back and stopped between his shoulder blades to leave a mark there.  
It didn't take long until the boy was whining again. 

"Channie, put it in again, please~ I'm close, wanna come on your dick."

Never one to deny such a thing, Chan gave in easy and slowly entered the younger again, not before turning him on back again tho. He would never not want to see youngers face while he completely fell apart. 

He brushed a few strands of hair out of his face before leaning in and kissing him again, putting his whole love into that kiss. 

"You're so beautiful.", he mumbled against the plush lips of the younger which caused said boy to smile and tighten his grip on Chans hair. 

"Channie?", he whispered and placed his own lips on his neck, finally also leaving a rather decent mark on the older. 

"Mh?"

"I love you too."


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Changbin looked up at him. Brushing the few lost strands of hair off his face and leaned in to peck his lips. 
> 
> “Mh, that doesn’t sound bad. Maybe next time.”
> 
> “I’m holding onto that.”

'I don't wanna acknowledge.'

\-------------------------------------------✰

Chan couldn’t help but break out into a big smile. He never quite completely believed that Changbin was over him, he trusted their love way too much but it still made him incredibly happy to hear those words. Finally, after such a long time he could heear his arguably favorite words from the younger again. 

He was sure things were going to work out. He was so sure of it and yet he knew they still had a lot of talking to do, in the end the lack of communication was the reason it didn’t worked out the first time. 

“Channie?”, Changbin whispered out as he was nibbling on the olders neck again. 

“Mh?”

“Make me cum.”

Chan snorted and didn’t hesitated to snap his hips into the younger again, making him moan out his name again as his back arched off his matress. Quite a sight. 

Well, what wasn’t a sight when it came to Changbin. 

The blonde boy could feel his orgasm creeping up, of course he was the first to finish yet again, it was rare that it was the other way around no matter how much effort Chan put in. Again, firstly quite embarrassing, but he knew what to do. 

Before he could say anything he could feel Changbin clenching around him, knowing exactly that the boy above him was close.  
He whispered sweet nothings into his ear, pulled on his hair again and finally pushed his lips against Chans. 

“Come on, babe. Show me how good I make you feel.”, he moaned out against his lips and grinned, because he knew that this is all Chan needed to pull out, causing him to whine at the loss, and pump his member a few times before he came all over the youngers stomach, who was praising him through his high. 

Chan didn’t take long to catch his breath again and leaned down between Changbins legs, licking a long stripe up his member while his hands squeezed the legs surrounding him.  
He gave a sweet kiss to the tip and soon after swallowed the youngers dick completely, nose brushing against his pubic hair. 

Changbin wasn’t exactly big, he was more on the average side, but he sure had this nice thickness that Chan loved feeling on his tongue. 

The younger bucked up against Chan, hands grabbing the blonde hair yet again, this time more rough and without caution. Nothing Chan didn’t like. At this point he was pretty sure he liked everything as long as it was Changbin who was doing it. 

“Channie~, please…”, he whined out. 

All it took for him to finally cum was Chan sucking his cheeks in and putting his fingers back inside, brushing ever so slightly against the bundle of nerves that made Changbin see stars. 

It took the younger a while to calm down.  
The image of Chan swallowing every last bit of his cum and the feelings of his fingers helping him through his orgasm was too much for him. 

On top of all that he just knew that the older was staring at him as his eyes rolled back into his head and his back arched off the bed so hard that Chan had to hold him so he wouldn’t hurt himself. 

After what felt like an eternity Changbin finally opened his eyes and indeed was met by two brown orbs just looking at him. 

“I know I called you beautiful a few times today but-”

“Shut up and help me get cleaned up.”, the younger laughed out. 

“Your wish is my command.”

“If I wasn’t so sore I would slap you across the face right now.”, he groaned as he tried to stand up, almost directly being picked up by Chans strong arms. 

“This ridiculous strength of yours is a problem.” 

The older only snorted and raised an eyebrow at the boy in his arms while he was walking them to his bathroom.

“Says you? By now you could easily pin me down.”

Changbin looked up at him. Brushing the few lost strands of hair off his face and leaned in to peck his lips. 

“Mh, that doesn’t sound bad. Maybe next time.”

“I’m holding you onto that.”

Now what was left for them to do was clean up and talk.  
Talk about everything they had been up to the last year. How they felt and how they want to continue. Chan had so many question that he was sure he would most likely end up not asking anything at all. 

The one thing he knew though, was that no matter what he wasn't going to let Changbin go ever again and he had the feeling that the boy felt just the same.

**Author's Note:**

> :-)))))), hello
> 
> Guys, tbh I was too lazy to add times on the chat... Plis forgive me hahah


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